haha interesting. didn't know you could "nudge" people on livejournal.
yes im still alive! jobless and carless but alive nonetheless.
i could blame the economy but that probably wouldn't make up for my slakerishness.

i pretend to be an artist and paint pictures now. i made a crappy portfolio website for a class so i can show off my art
http://students.joannasmith.org/oconnor/
check it out.

one little girl should not have to harbor so much hatred.
why must people hurt each other?


dear world,
i have no heart. i am a robot. it is now official
.

im beginning to come to the conclusion that everything enjoyable about my life is a lie.
i suppose then, its no wonder i try and distance myself from reality.

i can't say i feel like the whole world is against me but some of the events in my life really make me go "wtf?".

things always seem so completely backwards.

i've never been a pro at social situations. there was a time back in highschool when i was the anorexic perfectionist that i felt somewhat well liked and popular. probably the first time in my life. memories of grade school are peppered with images of my peers, even ones i didn't know telling me how "strange" i was. in fact, come to think of it, i still get that whole "ew you're weird" thing from gradeschoolers. this little girl katherine seems to insist upon it despite the fact that i've rarely done anything of interest while she was around. other than she told me my drawings don't make sense... but i digress.

in the past month i seem to have severed ties with almost anyone i considered a friend or someone of importance in my life. in a few of these cases there is perfect sense- there are people i've been less than pleasant to. i admit to becoming a bit more aggressive, especially after being raped, used, or betrayed by so many people i trusted. it seems like people take my accepting and tolerant nature to be reason to take advantage of me. seems like i have plenty of boys trying to fuck me, but none willing to date me. then the few that have shown interest in a relationship with me have quickly withdrew it the second i begin to warm up to the idea.

sanchez has disappeared from my life. not that it even matters at this point. he's more trouble than anything, but i still care about him quite a bit, and i worry even more when i don't hear from him. dave seems to have mysteriously stopped talking to me. this is probably one of the bigger stressors in my life right now simply because i don't really understand the abruptness, and his not even having enough respect for me as a former friend to even speak to me about it.

i get no greater joy than i do in helping or giving to others. companionship is probably my number one priority in life. but how in the hell am i supposed to be nice to people who don't even respect me as a human? i don't like being agressive, im not a huge fan of confrontation, but i know id rather have someone scream at me than just ignore me.

here's where things get really backwards tho.

i seem to have about 2 or 3 companions left at this point who i communicate to on a "best friend" type of level. the weird thing is tho, sometimes i can hardly tolerate their personalities, or their actions, and i certainly make this NO secret.
so it seems strange to me that francisco, who i tell probably daily that he's a douchebag, not to mention i threw a remote control at his face once when he was pissing me off(hey, i wanted to watch the show about unicorns. fuck nascar), is constantly telling me how beautiful i am. sometimes he even gives me flowers tho it makes me feel really awkward. i suppose thats the irony of my life- the one guy who is actually decent to me is totally incompatible.

1. roast of bob saget.
wasnt actually all that funny, but hey it's bob saget
2.
much needed sleep
3. i found out jason mraz's new album is called "We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things" this amuses me.

4. also he has an avocado farm. i think i should steal his avocados.

5.
visit from austin
6. ran into george and peter at the grocery store checkout. we all pity jamie lynn spears.

hello world!


yes i am still here.


so i think i may start writing again. the question is... is anyone still reading?

hey lj whats up? yes it is true, i am still alive.
i am haleys and currently the word of the day is jesus

dear livejournal



popsicles are AWESOME. kthx 




swoot!

hi, my name is kayla. i eat ridiculous ammounts of macaroni and cheese for a living.
kthxbye